Today is a special milestone day for me.
According to the ‘world’ my BMI went from ‘severely or morbidly’ obese to just obese! I started this journey with a BMI of 43.9. Today it reached the first magic invisible border of 39.9.
I know that means nothing to anyone else, but to me, having been as heavy as I am for decades? this is proof I’m doing what’s right for me, that I a have finally found the way I need to be to help my body heal and get healthy.
So when I stood on the scale this morning and it lit up with 218 lbs. My insides got the biggest proudest butterflies!
I also have a big step that is playing on my mind a lot lately. When I do post my blog for actual people in m life to be able to see? I know, you’re thinking, but it’s already public?? Yes, I write this to yell out into the void in an effort to find like minded people and maybe help someone else who is struggling, but the idea of pointedly saying to friends and family, “Hi, this is me, with all my lumps, bumps and flaws, please still love and support me?” Yeah, that’s a tough one.
For decades I’ve hid my depression (quite well) from everyone. I was always ‘happy’ laughing and what have you. The reality? I heard the remarks, however innocent they may have been, and took them all to heart. I was afraid to give anyone the opportunity to whisper behind my back. So I dealt with it by cutting myself off, not participating and growing bigger and more depressed as time went on.
I’m working at voicing and expunging these hurtful memories, one at a time and one day hope to be rid of their influence and be the me I dream of.
If you’re on a journey of your own, I’d love to hear about it! please comment below or link your own blog for myself or others to check out!
Thank you to my lovely support group, followers and readers! I need to share this stuff and love you all very much!