Failure, Reality and the Back in the Saddle Feeling

Last night, for whatever reason, I felt overly emotional, I did something stupid and ate a blueberry muffin. Yep. between the sugars and carbs and all the nasty chemicals in the mass made cake, I managed to make myself feel like a failure… for about 10 minutes.

For those new to my rants, raves and musings, I am on a journey to better health, following a TRE 19:5 schedule with LCHF – lazy keto diet.

Then I looked at myself in the mirror and started listing everything about me and my journey so far, that would forever outweigh some stupid muffin.

  1. I feel good being me
  2. I’ve lost 26 lbs
  3. My blood sugars are down!!
  4. My blood pressure is all within normal range
  5. My clothes fit better and are smaller
  6. I’m not ashamed to go places and be seen
  7. I have blue hair !! Yes I know this is the best one yet!!

So why did I eat the muffin? 4 hours after my last meal? Emotions. I was on a high having dyed my hair a lovely blue, then BAM all it took was my mom innocently saying she didn’t like it and I felt crushed. The entire time my brain was arguing with me about it, I ranted at how I needed to NOT care what others, including mom thought. Yet I still went to the front room, opened the package and ate that muffin. In the long run, it won’t even be a blip, but right now, it feels like I not only fell off the horse, but fell down the side of the canyon and landed right where I started.

Silly right? yet that’s how it feels. Logically I know I didn’t gain 26 lbs back, maybe 1 or 2. Logically I know I still fit into the smaller better fitting clothes. In fact the only change from the above list, would be #1 – feeling good to be me.

So this morning, I kicked my own self-loathing ass to the curb, climbed back in that saddle and started the day like any other. Black coffee, blood pressure – check! blood sugar – a bit high, but not ‘OMG I’M DOOMED‘ high. Weight – blah, yup reads up 2 lbs.

I’m finished writing this now, because I’m putting it behind me, I will learn and make other mistakes, but am determined to keep going forward.

One last update though, in the sunlight this morning, mom decided she actually does like the blue… lol Ah life, you sure love curve balls.

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mymusingmoments

At 51, I stopped. Stopped with excuses. This blog will be both my public accountability as well as my way of sharing as I learn. Come join the journey, either as a witness or fellow participant!

3 thoughts on “Failure, Reality and the Back in the Saddle Feeling

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