Fridays have always been magical to me. End of a week, day to recap and tabulate my achievements.
The last couple of weeks have been fixated on fears, fear of heights for instance, and my promise to myself to, at the very least, try indoor skydiving when I get down below 180 lbs.
But the one Fear that consumes my thoughts daily? The fear of just being me, and not worrying what others will think or say.
My first step, baby one at that, was to admit all of my weight issues, my mental health issues and fears, to a small supportive group. They’ve been my best support since I started this journey, and I love them all more than anything!
This blog was my next and first stepping stone publicly. Total strangers getting to know who and what I am. But easier by far to the next step that this blog post will take me to. Posting to Facebook, exposing my flaws and my vulnerable side to people I know.
My thoughts on this have been scary. People who have judged me in the past, will be pointed to and able to see these things. People who are fake in their ‘friendship’ will crawl out from under their rocks, with negativity, gossip and vile trolling.
Here’s the thing, at this point I have realized none of that matters. The only true point is how I feel and what I think.
The changes I’ve made and the benefits I’m receiving so far, have far out weighed any negativity anyone can throw at me. So to those who are so miserable themselves, I say:
BRING IT ON! or if you really are that miserable, message me, I’m more than willing to help you get there too. I am not holding grudges, they only do damage to me and I’m done with all that self-harm crap.
It’s no quick fix, it’s a change in way of life. I spent decades damaging my mind and body, I’m pretty sure I can invest the time needed for both to heal.