A lot of rambling to be done. To start off, I have taken a lot of baby steps this week.
- Posting my blog to Facebook where family and friends would see it,
- Going out to an event, on my own, and not backing out
- Meeting up 2 nights in a row with friends and trying to stay calm.
I want to say I was happy and proud of all of this!
But there was a cost.
My social anxiety is messing with me. I’ve started down the road to trying to become social again and heal.. but…
Still have a lot of anxiety over people. I’m hoping to fight it one ‘person’ at a time. I’m not ready for any real crowds, just a few of us together on Saturday night wore me out mentally. Sunday felt like I’d been playing chicken with a truck and lost, over and over.
My blood pressure went up ( still not down enough for my liking) and my blood sugars are out of wack. No carbs ingested so I’m going with stress induced insulin spike. Water retention too. I’m like the Staypuff Marshmallow Man right now. My weight went up again to 215 lbs, but I’m ignoring that, it will go back down again.
The situation wasn’t even stressful, just high school friends.
Physically I’m reacting to not being ready emotionally… it’s eye opening when you pay attention.
Bottom line, I have a long way to go, mentally and physically, but I know I have the tools and support to do it.