Sense and Sensitivity

Do you remember the first time you didn’t do something?

I mean, you walked away or ran or hid? I remember deciding I never wanted to act again, after messing up a line in a grade 5 french class play. NOT because I messed up, not because my class mates laughed, but because the teacher not only laughed in a cruel way, but brought it up multiple times, drawing attention to me and my fail, over and over. That never left me.

The actual mistake, in hindsight was funny, but as a very sensitive, shy, new to the school, kid and having that unwanted ‘attention’, did damage.

The play was a modern take on Cinderella, and I had the role of Cinderella!! I was really proud of it. The line in question was about putting the dishes in the dishwasher and clothes in the washing machine… I but the clothes in the dishwasher and dishes in the washing machine. facepalm moment.

See? It never left me. That silly moment impacted so much of my life and compounded with other situations as I grew older added to my paranoid anxiety. My fear of judgement, of being looked at and laughed at.

I’m dwelling on this all at the moment because I’m tripping and falling a bit at the moment, and for the last few weeks I’ve been hiding.

BUT THEN I REMEMBERED! I remembered how good I felt when I posted my first blog blah blahs. Just get it out, own it, move on.

So, I’m doing that, I’m struggling, the carb cravings are really rough at the moment. I’m not sure why. But I’m owning this all, I’m going to ask for help, and I’m going to pick myself up and carry on forward. I want to be healthier, happier and join life again.

If you have any cringe moments to share, share away! It honestly is freeing to not have the thought of it being found out hanging over you. Own it, admit it and go forward!

As always, I’d love to hear from you all, in the comments, or email me if you’re not ready to blah blah into the void!

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Beginnings, Endings and the Lovely Journey In Between!

Long Weekend Monday ! Hope you are all making the most of it !

This week has a lot in it for me. I’m hopeful and anxious (in a good way) looking forward to getting it all started! Last week was rough, I found myself eating emotionally, a slight ‘hiccup’ in my new WOL. I was upset about a few things and found myself eating out of frustration, and being down enough to not care at the time. Life is like that though, ups and downs. The key though is to not dwell on it, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get right back up on that pony!


Tomorrow I have an appointment with my GP to review my blood tests and show her my Dexa Scan. I’m hopeful that she’ll be as happy with my results in just 2 months as I am! I’m also hopeful this will be the ENDING for some medications.

Thursday I will be going for my annual eye exam, I’ve noticed a few subtle changes in my sight, I’m hopeful there is nothing wrong though!

Also, Thursday is the BEGINNING of a new journey as I start back to school. You may remember me posting previously about wanting to go back to school to study nutrition, well I start on Thursday! I’ll have homework assignments and reading to do and I’m excited to get it all started!! This topic will be a series of posts as I walk this path in my LOVELY JOURNEY, I’ll share what I can, so if you have any questions, comment away, or PM me!

Just a quick note on Saturday Sept 14 I’m going to attend the Vaughan Keto Expo https://vaughanketoexpo.com/ . (If you’re in the Toronto / GTA you might want to take a look too!) I look forward to these events as a learning opportunity. Yes, there are some snake oil salesmen in every walk of life, but for the most part, the Keto and or LCHF communities are very helpful and informative.

The Numbers are in and I’m WINNING!!

It’s been 2 months since I started the changes that have been helping with my daily blood results, blood pressure and weight.

I’ve gained a confidence level I never had before, I’ve gained energy levels I haven’t had since highschool (or possibly even moreso!)

Today, I went in for my blood work to be done, as I’m due back at the clinic to review how things are going in 2 weeks and in to see my family doctor before that.

I’ve been like a kid waiting for my favorite show to drop, checking the website every 5 minutes and trying to stop myself from doing so by distracting myself with research for an art project I want to start soon.

Finally, some numbers have appeared, I’M SCREAMING internally!!

Quick lil Happy Dance!!

Not all results are online yet, BUT it appears I have moved within a few points of being reclassified as Pre-Diabetic 😀

For the nerds in the crowd – My previous test was from May 6 2019. I didn’t start with the changes until June 29, so technically my A1C is skewed (it uses a 3 month marker) by a month of bad #’s. I’m still happy with it all.

Previous Fasting Glucose – 19.6 today – 6.5

Previous A1C – 12.4 today – 6.8

Cholesterol results and all other blood work in so far is in the zone!!!

Later this week I will share my Dexa Scan results and some personal insight to how all of this adds up to me well on the road to healthy and happy!

As always, if you have any questions, or want to share your own journey, please leave me a comment or link to your own blog!

Sink or Swim. Maybe Just Dip In That Toe, Test the Waters!

A lot of rambling to be done. To start off, I have taken a lot of baby steps this week.

  1. Posting my blog to Facebook where family and friends would see it,
  2. Going out to an event, on my own, and not backing out
  3. Meeting up 2 nights in a row with friends and trying to stay calm.

I want to say I was happy and proud of all of this!

But there was a cost.

My social anxiety is messing with me. I’ve started down the road to trying to become social again and heal.. but…

Still have a lot of anxiety over people. I’m hoping to fight it one ‘person’ at a time. I’m not ready for any real crowds, just a few of us together on Saturday night wore me out mentally. Sunday felt like I’d been playing chicken with a truck and lost, over and over.

My blood pressure went up ( still not down enough for my liking) and my blood sugars are out of wack. No carbs ingested so I’m going with stress induced insulin spike. Water retention too. I’m like the Staypuff Marshmallow Man right now. My weight went up again to 215 lbs, but I’m ignoring that, it will go back down again.

The situation wasn’t even stressful, just high school friends.

Physically I’m reacting to not being ready emotionally… it’s eye opening when you pay attention.

Bottom line, I have a long way to go, mentally and physically, but I know I have the tools and support to do it.

Take That Jump! Facing My Fears, One at a Time.

Fridays have always been magical to me. End of a week, day to recap and tabulate my achievements.

The last couple of weeks have been fixated on fears, fear of heights for instance, and my promise to myself to, at the very least, try indoor skydiving when I get down below 180 lbs.

But the one Fear that consumes my thoughts daily? The fear of just being me, and not worrying what others will think or say.

My first step, baby one at that, was to admit all of my weight issues, my mental health issues and fears, to a small supportive group. They’ve been my best support since I started this journey, and I love them all more than anything!

This blog was my next and first stepping stone publicly. Total strangers getting to know who and what I am. But easier by far to the next step that this blog post will take me to. Posting to Facebook, exposing my flaws and my vulnerable side to people I know.

My thoughts on this have been scary. People who have judged me in the past, will be pointed to and able to see these things. People who are fake in their ‘friendship’ will crawl out from under their rocks, with negativity, gossip and vile trolling.

Here’s the thing, at this point I have realized none of that matters. The only true point is how I feel and what I think.

The changes I’ve made and the benefits I’m receiving so far, have far out weighed any negativity anyone can throw at me. So to those who are so miserable themselves, I say:

BRING IT ON! or if you really are that miserable, message me, I’m more than willing to help you get there too. I am not holding grudges, they only do damage to me and I’m done with all that self-harm crap.

It’s no quick fix, it’s a change in way of life. I spent decades damaging my mind and body, I’m pretty sure I can invest the time needed for both to heal.

Society – Do People Treat Overweight People Differently ?

A discussion started in my favorite support group this morning about how society as a whole treats people with Obesity or Weight Issues poorly.

Points that were brought up that rang true for the majority of the group?

  • passed up for jobs
  • treated like you’re lazy / stupid
  • ignored
  • not accepted easily to social groups
  • used as a means to get to know your ‘skinny’ friend

I’ve seen and been on the receiving end of a few of these myself, but today, for once I took a good look at it all and thought – But what if a lot of it is reflective of our own making?

Don’t get me wrong, none of it is right or fair, but is there possibly something we can do to change it ourselves?

It all comes down to confidence, body language and self-love for me.

Confidence: If you have it, people tend to notice and will flock to you to try be in on your aura of powerful self.

Body Language: If you sit in a defensive position or ‘hide’ , you make yourself unapproachable, make others feel like you don’t want contact, but in reality it’s what you actually do want!

Self – Love: this one tags on to confidence a bit. If you love yourself, and don’t allow others to belittle or walk on you, then you will find people starting to think of you as an equal or peer.

Yes, it’s all over simplified, I’m only just starting to explore this, BUT I do feel that these three things, if you work on them, will help to alleviate some of the ways you are treated a bit more durable.

For me on this journey, I have noticed that people are less likely to dismiss my opinions since I have a boost in my confidence level and a hunger to research the crap out of things as I go.

Can working on the other things as I go improve this? probably! As a side benefit, my no longer sitting at home hiding, has led to going out, being more active and my healthy eating, self-care has ld to some weight loss. All of this is a big cycle that, in the end will hopefully bring me to where I want to be.

Happy, Healthy and Loving Life! Happy Monday Everyone!!

As always, I love to chat, so comment away, lets learn and grow together and from each other!

My Body Not Only Talks, But I Can Hear It Now!

I have a new best friend, my body. It’s amazing how much She tells me and also sad, how long I went not listening.

The more I explore and change my lifestyle and eating habits, the louder the signals, both good and bad get from my lovely new friend, my body. She loves fresh veggies and meat and some dairy products. She doesn’t like ‘Carbage’ that over processed, no nutrient value left in it what-so-ever foods. I find my happy place for both her and I remains in the carbs from veggies and some fruit only zone. So that’s what I’m doing. Everyone’s bodies are different, this is what makes mine stop hurting, complaining and loudly gurgling.

My body also has no issue with Intermittent Fasting up to 48 hours. After that it just is not happy, gets sluggish and really just wants a nap.

So I’ve settled into a ‘sort of’ routine that makes me happy as well as my body.

DAILY ROUTINE

I wake up some time between 6:30 and 7:00 am. no alarm, my body does this all on it’s own now.

Stretch lightly to warm up the ole muscles then wander down to the kitchen with my JOURNAL and either plug in the kettle for tea, or start up the coffee maker.

Test my blood pressure (we have a machine at the house to test mom’s, so I make use of it for my own notes on how things are as I go!)

Go to the bathroom and wash my hands, check my weight, note the weight in my journal and then test my blood sugars.

From this point I enjoy my tea while reading other’s blogs and catching up on Social Media.

Around 10:30 – 11:00 I start preparing my first meal. I note what I ate in my journal and then carry on for the day with whatever is needed to be done.

I don’t snack at all.

At 12:00 ish, I prepare lunch for my parents. I’m never tempted to snack thankfully, as I prepare their food!

At 3:30 – 4:00 pm dinner preparation for all 3 of us and finish the meal by 4:30 at the latest. I note the start and end times in my journal along with what I ate, and also note that any medications have been taken with whichever meal.

I have a section at the bottom of each page where I note things like that a certain food left me feeling bloated or any other thing I notice going on.

Also, yep, the dreaded poop noting! I log both time and anything else a doctor might ask about….

I usually end up tired and wandering off to bed sometime between 9:00 and 10:00 pm.

The only variation from this is if I’m throwing an IF into the mix. I usually do this by eating my dinner to start it off with extra high fat , little to no carbs, then drinking mostly water with some Pink Salt and the occasional black tea or coffee for the next day, and eat my next meal on the second day at lunchtime, back on schedule with dinnertime.

Special note, for me, exercising mildly, such as Yoga, Stretching or walking feel great in the fasted state as long as I drink plenty of water and add the salt for electrolytes. I don’t HIIT or Cardio during fasting as I find myself getting light headed too quickly. That’s my body talking and I listen.

To all of you out there, let me know what signals you notice from your body! drop me a message in comments or by email if you’re not sure about posting publicly. I look forward to hearing from you!